That’s right, I got the WWE Network free 30 day trial and watched my first WWE PPV live since King of the Ring 1999. Was I impressed? Well pop in some bagel bites in the oven, sit down with a couple pouches of Capri-Sun and let’s go over the hi-lights and low-lights of the event. Yes they still make Capri-Sun you ignoramus, strawberry-kiwi is still the undisputed best flavor and it is not even close.
The biggest positive in terms of pure “sports entertainment” because remember that is what the WWE is now was hands down the “Boneyard Match” between Undertaker and AJ Styles. This match was a movie, it starts off with AJ Styles and his posse beating the hell out of the Undertaker from pillar to post and in order to win the match you had to kill the other guy and bury him. If there is one thing I do know about wrestling is that the Undertaker doesn’t lose at WrestleMania so of course he won the match. The only thing missing from this match was as the Undertaker rolled out of the graveyard was a live performance by Limp Bizkit to the tune of Rollin. Also, RIP AJ Styles.
The best match in terms of pure wrestling was Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins. Both of these guys were former World Champions and it showed in the ring. For being a bigger guy Kevin Owens sure can move around the ring quick. The match culminated in a huge dive off the WrestleMania sign onto Seth Rollins outside and ended with a stunner for the win. Good match overall.
Other highlights of night 1 were the ladder match between Kofi Kingston, John Morrison and Jimmy Uso and Becky Lynch defending her title against former MMA fighter Shayna Baszler. The King Corbin matched sucked, Daniel Bryan vs Sami Zayn ended abruptly and was too short while the opening women’s tag match ran a little too long. Also, some things never change as Goldberg wrestled another sub 3 minute match in losing his title to Braun Stroman. Let’s just say Goldberg’s entrance really suffers when the fans aren’t there to chant Goldberg! Goldberg! Goldberg!
My final thoughts on night 1 of WrestleMania was it was a relatively quick 3 hours of “Sports Entertainment”.
Night two of WrestleMania began pretty much the same way as night one with another women’s title match, this time between Charlotte Flair and Rhea Ripley, it was a lot better than the women’s matches of yesteryear in terms of quality but I could have done without all the screaming from both girls.
Next up was a match between another former MMA fight in Bobby Lashley going up against the leader of the illuminati or satanic cult of Aleister Black. I wasn’t a fan of this match, Aleister was pretty athletic though being as big as he was. After that was a match between Otis who looked like a member of the Godwins from the 1990’s and Dolph Ziggler. This match was horrible, Otis won with an elbow drop, yeah in 2020 you can still win with an elbow drop. As Ariana Grande says, “Thank u, next.”
Now we get to the meat and potatoes of the card with Edge returning after being off 9 years going up against Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing Match. The best thing was I knew who both of these guys were but it went way too long. It took 40 minutes for this match to end as they brawled all across the WWE Performance Center. Not a bad match but also not the best thing on the card by a long shot. There were two filler matches with the tag titles being defended and another women’s match that went way too long with the champion retaining.
We had another goofy match with the Fiend going up against John Cena in a Firefly Fun House Match. This just like the Boneyard Match from yesterday was the highlight of the night. The smack-talking puppets of Bray Wyatt are gold and the whole match went over the totality of John Cena’s career through various skits and promos. Vince McMahon as the devil was a nice touch, but Bray don’t be surprised if you get buried for that skit. I think the Fiend won the match but it was quality entertainment.
The night ended with Brock Lesnar losing his title to Drew McIntyre after hitting Drew with 3 F-5’s and getting hit with 4 kicks to the face. This was basically the Goldberg match all over again with two big guys who can’t go a full match. If I was Vince, I’d be pushing Kevin Owens, he seemed to do the best in-ring work of both nights and looks to be a legitimate star.
Overall, I enjoyed the card and it was a good way to waste 6 hours on a Saturday and Sunday night. Will I continue watching WWE? Probably not but for nostalgia’s sake, I had fun with it and got a few good laughs out of the card.