Congrats friends, today is Monday! That means we have almost five grueling days of blood, sweat, and tears. Whether you’re working outdoors under the scorching sun doing construction, sitting on your ass in a call center getting yelled at by someone 300 miles away, slinging chicken sandwiches to overzealous social media fad chasers, in a classroom paying thousands of dollars to read a book from some dead author you’re never heard of; or anything in between this is for you!
As Friday night apporaches and we lay claim to a well-deserved few days of bliss, here is a list of 10 Things Not to Do in San Antonio This Weekend in efforts to make sure your Saturday and Sunday are the best they can be.
- DO NOT go to a crowded bar and wait in the drink line for 10 plus minutes only to take an extra 10 minutes trying to figure it out what you want to order. Your time clearly would have been much better spent thinking about what you wanted to drink. Not only is it annoying to the bartenders and the people behind you, but you’re wasting everyone’s time, and you look like an amateur. PROTIP: When in doubt, just get a Jack and Coke.
- DO NOT leave your kids with your Mom without notice. I know some of us have kids and they love going to Grandma’s for Christ sake, let her know ahead of time. You never know, she may be trying to get lit this weekend as well. In the event she says yes to babysitting, be sure to break her off some money for her time.
- DO NOT go to a live music show or performance of any kind if you are going to talk through the whole thing. Like really, why you would want to do that to begin with? These people are working hard on their craft, whether you paid to get in or if it’s a free open mic show some respect, shut up and enjoy the show. As someone who gets on stage from time to time as a stand-up comedian, I can’t tell you how hard it is to get through a set while someone is having a side conversation about their thoughts of the newest season of Orange is The New Black. (It was great btw!)
- DO NOT forget to brush your teeth before bed. I know this may sound dumb, me having to remind fully functioning adults to brush their teeth before bed but I also know it is a common practice to go out for the night drink/eat, go home and jump in bed. We’ve all been guilty of it, but to make that a common practice is definitely not doing your teeth any justice Side note: I am not a dentist, I just play one on tv
- DO NOT drink and drive. I mean c’mon, does this even need further explanation? It’s 2019 Uber and Lyft are just a few clicks away.
- DO NOT use “you’re so beautiful” as a pickup line at a bar/club. My Facebook friend Sarah says “I don’t mind a guy telling me I’m beautiful just don’t start off with that. Also, don’t approach me unless I make eye contact with you. I like to use my eyes to give someone a certain look to let them know I might be interested”. While Carly says, “Approaching like that puts me on guard and I’m immediately thinking of how to get out of it.” You heard it hear guys, cut that out, maybe start with the classic, “Hi my name is__________” line
- DO NOT spend your whole weekend getting shit faced. Yeah drinking and dancing is fun but there’s so much more to do. San Antonio boasts so many interesting museums, parks, and art galleries. Why not spend the day with the family and enjoy some cool exhibits at the Witte, or go get cultured and check out the latest pieces at the SAMA and if it’s not too hot why not ride down to your local park have a picnic and fly kites, member kites?
- DO NOT be one of those annoying people on the scooters downtown still on the sidewalks. They say laws are meant to be broken, but I stand fully behind this law.
- DO NOT go to the DJ both and try to request a song, you will get laughed at and ignored harder than a spam call.
- DO NOT forget the weekend is only two days and like all good things they must come to an end. So, make sure you prepare yourself and keep up with any work you need done for the upcoming week. (I know, hate being an adult too)?
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